There are journeys that you take by choice and ones you sometimes can’t really control. Within those journeys are people that you meet, some not necessarily the best people and some good that all make an impact on you.. But it’s the people you choose to guide you that matter most. The ones who give you a happy feeling when you leave them, not a boat sinking in your stomach feeling or guilty feeling or starting to think negativity about your image feeling. The ones who give you a sensation of happiness when you’re around them are the people who you most want alongside you.
Love is a pathway along which the warm fuzzy feeling guides you. It’s a melody with its highs and lows. Sometimes we let it define us, it changes us, it directs us, but it also leads us to become a version of ourselves that was not shown before. It brings light, but can also bring pain in a way that cannot be expressed. When you lose something or someone, you only appreciate them the most when they’re gone. These people are just like music that helps me along my journey. If it weren’t for music, I don’t know where I would be today. I can’t live without it, just like how each person in my life has somehow affected me and I can’t live without them. Whether it’s the little moments or the biggest ones, the ones that hold joy, hope, and carefree freedom; those are the ones that matter the most. Biking on the streets of Perth Amboy, or the little ice cream and movie date with Mom, the old movie and game nights, or the days when me and Lisangi used to play on the switch. We’ve built these memories but it hurts that it’s not the same way it is today, I’ve grown, but you have too. I want to build new memories. The parties mami and papi used to throw, the crazy games I used to play with the twins, the stories we used to tell. But over time, things change; the people, the environment, what you’re going through are now the things from old fairytales in which you believed, much like the tooth fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Elf on the Shelf. But as you get older, the ones who guide you and who created you, along with your faith, all change.
Looking back, there’s so much that I miss and that I simply didn’t get to experience. There was so much humor in everything I said or did to the point it became annoying. I mean, back when my mom was younger, she didn’t have a device that could record videos or a place where you got to connect online the way that we do today. It’s crazy how we’ve evolved as humans, from cavemen writing on the wall, to using the feathered quill, to the first typewriter, to the modern-day computer. It’s all evolved so fast in the blink of an eye. Within these moments, there are meaning and memories and feelings deep inside of us that connect, whether we remember it or not. But like the Earth that we’ve evolved on and the continental drift, we change too. Our personality, our style, the things in our life, and our likes and dislikes all evolve. But I truly believe it’s not the amount of time that we spend here that counts, but how you choose to spend it. It’s whether you make a difference or not and whether you’ve created a happy environment in times of trouble. And man, there’s so much to say and do but we can’t just put it all on one piece of paper because there are some things that can’t be described – the warm feeling when you look back or listen to a song that reminds you of your past, or gives you that motivation and hope to propel into the future. The memories with those people who have guided us and the experiences which have affected us sometimes can’t be explained in words.
Some things can’t necessarily be proven in order to believe it, just like love and other feelings. It’s what’s inside of you and not shown, like faith. Faith guides people, strengthens people, has a purpose, and most of all, is the best company. Through faith, I’ve learned about a part of me that hasn’t shown itself in a while – a part of me that is happiest just for the little things and is true to myself.
When I was younger, I tried to act cool and tough, like a greaser, to fit in and be like my sister. But the reality is, I wasn’t, I was lost and a big old softie. I would lie just for people to like me, I made myself sound like I was reckless, because that is what I like. I wanted to do stunts, be reckless and just live without any worry. Have some fun, without getting in trouble or being so anxious that you feel like you’re about to pass out. I didn’t get good grades, I was naive and my little young heart was messed up by one mistake and people turned on me. But I was true to myself when it came to my family, I was a little silly goose and was a musician by heart, not skills. Once I got older, I started looking up people like my grandparents, Janielle, Lisangi, and to an extent, weirdly enough, my sister. To me, she was like a living Barbie. She had brains, skills, and style. I used to brag about her so much at my old school that my so-called friends were sick of it. Well, things all changed when I got into middle school.
These emotions, these feelings, and these little steps were all taken once I stopped trying to be someone I’m not. You can’t believe in yourself if you are not you, or trying to act like someone other than you. Surrounding yourself with those people who make you feel like you need to be someone you are not is truly not healthy. You can’t love others without loving yourself. Those little moments are going to be made with those who care and those who you choose to have by your side along your journey. You are living your life, one where you are in control, so create those values and be aware of what you surround yourself with as you travel your own path.
